


don't give up (though it's hard and you're tired)

by dreyfleet



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, College AU, College Applications, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I just want hugs, I love day6 but what's new, I'm scared of the future, Jae centric, Multi, and in a band, day6 are roommates, jae cries, this is loosely based off my life as ALWAYS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 03:05:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17174663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreyfleet/pseuds/dreyfleet
Summary: jae gets some bad news, but his bandmates have his back





	don't give up (though it's hard and you're tired)

He wearily walked up the stairwell of the company building, hearing his footsteps echo as he went. The guitar was heavy on his back and his neck was aching; he moved a hand up to rub it as he finally reached the fourth floor, sighing. He had been studying and practicing all day and was exhausted, but the thought of returning to his bandmates and knowing they had a free evening caused a small smile to grow on his face as he dragged his feet down the corridor. Wonpil had been talking all through breakfast about a recipe he wanted to try, eyes lighting up as he described how he would cook tonight, and how they all had to be there, pointedly meeting Jae’s eyes as he said the last part. 

Jae had cut his rehearsal short just to make it back for dinner. Not that he was upset about it - given the way he could barely make it to the door without falling over, he wouldn’t have lasted very long in the practice room anyway. 

He finally saw their familiar door come into view and was just thinking about whether Wonpil would manage to pull off his mother’s recipe or not when he noticed one of their neighbours walking the opposite way down the corridor, clutching a stack of letters. Jae and his roommates often made a lot of noise practicing late at night, so they made up for it by being almost too nice to the other people on their floor – they all loved them. He sent him a weary smile which was returned brightly.

“Oh, hey! I have something for you!” Jae quirked an eyebrow as he stopped walking, frowning as the man rifled through the papers in his hand and then pulled one out to hand it to him. “I was getting my own mail and saw this on your shelf. It looked important and I know you’ve been waiting on something, so I was going to drop it off at your place.”

Jae’s eyes were fixed on the logo gilding the corner of the letter he was holding out – it displayed the iconic crest of a college he had applied to earlier in the year. He had been accepted for consideration and interviewed three times, if he was to get in, it would change his life. It was his dream course, and his top choice. He didn't know what he'd do if he didn't get in, he had no other plan.

“Oh…” 

Anxiety swirled in Jae’s stomach and he had to remind himself to breathe, reaching out to take the letter from him.

“Thanks.” He said quietly, eyes still fixed on the item now clutched in his hands. Jae felt the man lightly pat his shoulder in response before moving off.

“See you around! Good luck with whatever’s in there.” He vaguely heard him call but could barely register it through the onslaught of messy anxious thoughts suddenly entering his head. It was one of the best universities in the world, he knew going into it that his chances were slim to none, and he was lucky enough to have been interviewed. He had repeated these statements to himself a hundred times, always taking it rather lightly. But now that it was in his hand; his future was literally within his fingertips, the outcome seemed to matter a thousand times more. As much as he hated to admit it, Jae knew himself, and he knew he would immediately base his worth on whatever the enclosed letter held.

He took a deep breath, suddenly needing to know, and leaned against the wall a few feet from the door, shakily ripping it open. He pulled out a folded piece of paper from the envelope and opened it, closing his eyes momentarily and catching his breath before opening them. His eyes skimmed quickly over the formalities at the top, racing to the important part.

We regret to inform you that…

Jae stopped breathing. 

…after careful consideration, it has not been possible to offer you a place.

He braced himself against the wall with more strength so he didn’t slide down it, re-reading every line of the short letter over and over again. It didn’t feel real. Before he knew it, there was a thick well of disappointment rising up his throat and his eyes were stinging with tears. 

A pathetic part of Jae was hoping that this was for someone else, from a different college, a mistake; anything that could take him away from the reality that was they didn’t want him. But it was real. He pressed the hand still holding the letter to his mouth in an attempt to stop himself from making noise, closing his eyes and feeling tears drop onto his cheeks. But after a few seconds, he straightened up, wiped them away and took a deep, shaky breath, telling himself not to cry over something like this. He was the eldest, and he had to act like it.

But he would have to tell everyone. Not just his family, friends, everyone that had been expecting him to get in, but his bandmates as well. They had seen first-hand how much work Jae had put into the application, how much he dreamed of going there, and had shown so much support; he didn’t want to disappoint them. They were going to think he was so stupid for even trying. He almost cried again as it hit him that he just wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t clever enough to go there and it was as simple as that, and now everyone would know it. 

He choked back more tears, taking some breaths as he remembered that they were waiting for him inside. All he wanted to do was go straight to bed and curl up in the dark for the rest of the day, but Wonpil and his damned dinner, he had been so excited for it, Jae couldn’t let them down. More than he already had, a dark voice whispered.

He folded the letter and zipped it into the back of his guitar case, where no one would ever look. Having wiped his eyes and slapped his cheeks a few times, forcing them up into a grin, he fished out his key and unlocked the door.

“There he is!” Younghyun groaned from his position sprawled across the couch, feet on Dowoon’s lap, tilting his head backward to look at Jae as he emerged from the hallway. “Can we eat now?”

He directed this to Wonpil, who was running around trying to add finishing touches, and sent a bright grin towards Jaw as he shut the door. 

“Yes!”

“Sorry I’m a bit late, got caught up.” Jae looked down as he lied, realising they all knew him well enough to see in his face that he wasn’t being truthful. He toed off his shoes and slung his guitar off his back, placing it gently against the wall, trying to ignore the shape of the letter that seemed to be burning through the case.

Jae cleared his throat and joined the others who had migrated to the kitchen, where the table was already set and Sungjin was sat, waiting eagerly for whatever was sitting in the pot by the stove. It smelt amazing, but Jae’s stomach was still swirling and the thought of eating almost made him feel nauseous. He told himself to stop being dramatic, taking another deep breath and sitting opposite the leader, sending a smile towards Wonpil.

“Smells great, Pil.”

Younghyun took Jae’s plate for him and ladled on a huge spoonful, giving him an odd look when he grimaced slightly. Throughout the meal, he tried his best to contribute and act as jokey as he normally would, but the typed words he had read were repeating themselves over and over in his head, and the weight of the information he knew was heavy on his back. He only ate about a third of his plate. Hopefully, it just came off as exhaustion. 

Wonpil cleared the table and Jae and Dowoon did the dishes. Dowoon pushed Jae playfully and flicked some bubbles his way and Jae knew he should react as he normally would: push him back and prod that sensitive part of his side that he hated so much, quipping some sarcastic remark at him. But his faux attitude was getting tiring and his verve was thinning with the burden of his own failure. He let out a weak breathy chuckle but continued to slowly scrub the pan he was holding, not even having the positive energy left to meet Dowoon’s eyes.

He could feel someone's gaze on his face but ignored it, finishing as quickly as possible and stretching his arms above his head.

“I’m going to bed.” Jae picked up his guitar sending a quick smile to those sitting on the couch. “Thanks for dinner Wonpil, it was great.” 

As soon as he made it out of there and into the darkness of his room his smile dropped and a pressure mounted in his chest. He dropped the guitar and crawled into bed, not even bothering to change before he let his body curl up under the covers. For a while he just lay there letting his exhausted body rest, listening to the apartment become quiet, but soon he began mulling over everything this would mean, how he would ever tell anyone, how he would ever get over that he was too unintelligent to make it in. He had to work out another plan now; more of his future shrouded in uncertainty. He let a few tears slip from his eyes and before he knew it he was crying into his pillow.

He thought the covers were muffling it enough, and that everyone was asleep. When the door clicked and opened slightly, Jae immediately cut his breath short. A figure gently pushed it open some more and peered in, and Jae recognised the hair hanging off his neck in his silhouette. Younghyun. He stayed quiet, holding his breath, knowing if he breathed it would come out shaky and loud and it would be obvious he was crying. It was silent for a moment before Younghyun stepped in further, sighing into the darkness.

“If you’re trying to pretend you’re asleep, it doesn’t really work if you don’t breathe at all, hyung.” His words were jokey but underneath them, Jae could hear that he was being serious. 

He breathed out as slowly as he could, realising there was no use in pretending to be asleep, and turned to face the wall, cheeks still wet.

“Maybe I’m just a really quiet breather.” He muttered quietly, hating how clogged his voice sounded. He heard Younghyun shift and laugh quietly.

“I roomed with you for like, three years, I know you are not a quiet breather.” He teased. The room descended into silence and Jae felt him step closer. “It also means I can tell when you’ve been crying.” He spoke quietly, and kindly, and Jae blinked back another wave of tears. He was older, he was supposed to be stronger. 

“I haven’t.” Jae said to the wall, but even he didn’t believe himself, the shakiness clearly coming through on every syllable. Younghyun sighed, and Jae felt him crouch by the bed.

“Jae…” The younger’s hand touched his shoulder gently, and he sighed before rolling over to face him, knowing it was useless. He could just about make out Younghyun’s features in the dim light leaking through the doorway, and how they crumpled at the state of his face, probably still wet and red from where it had been pressed into his pillow. 

“Oh no…” Younghyun moved his hand to Jae’s hair, gently stroking it down the side of his head, looking pained. Jae closed his eyes against the feeling, leaning into the touch. The English he spoke was soothing. “Hey, what is it?”

Jae shook his head, more tears welling up at the gentleness of his voice. Younghyun sighed, and it was obvious how badly he wanted to wrap Jae up as he wiped away a tear that dropped off his eyelashes with his thumb. Younghyun had always been protective like that, never wanting to see anyone upset; it was one of the reasons Jae hated crying in front of him. 

“Will you come with me? We can just talk.” Jae opened his eyes and Younghyun met them with an encouraging look, standing up. Sighing, Jae reached up his hands to cover his face and sniffed, but then slowly nodded. He sat up and moved the covers, taking his bandmate’s outstretched hand and letting him pull him gently out of the room and to the couch. Younghyun let go only to walk to the kitchen and begin running the tap. The apartment was utterly quiet apart from the sounds he was making, and Jae assumed the others were long asleep as he pulled his knees up to his chest and let his chin rest on them.

“Why weren’t you asleep?” He asked Younghyun croakily as he returned with a glass of water and placed it on the coffee table in front of them before sitting next to Jae.

“I stayed up to write some lyrics I thought of during dinner. About family.” Jae couldn’t help but smile fondly at that and Younghyun gave him a sad one in return, reaching over to touch his hair again, eyes examining Jae's face.

“Tell me,” Younghyun whispered, shuffling a bit closer. “what’s got you like this?” His fingers traced the hair away from Jae's forehead and the back of his hand brushed across his cheek, where Jae was sure there were still tear tracks. He closed his eyes and sighed, not having the energy left to come up with a lie. But opening his mouth, he found he couldn’t actually bring himself to say it; too ashamed to admit it in front of Younghyun with his piercing worried gaze.

“Wait here.” He said wearily, standing up, dread already settling in his stomach. Younghyun frowned, eyes following him as he left the room and quietly fetched the letter from his guitar case, staring down at the offending item. He sat on the couch again, reluctant to pass it over, watching the way Younghyun was looking at it, brain clearly working to figure out what it could be.

“You’ll think I’m…” Jae didn’t even know the word. Stupid? Pitiful? “You’ll think of me differently.” He muttered.

Younghyun shook his head, meeting his eyes and frowning, looking back down as he handed it over shakily. Jae watched with apprehension as he unfolded the letter and his sharp eyes began scanning the words. It only took a few seconds for his eyebrows to raise in understanding and his gaze to flick up to meet Jae’s. He dropped the letter, not even bothering to read the rest and leaned forward, quickly pulling him into a tight hug.

Jae wrapped his arms around Younghyun’s back, burying his face into his shoulder and breathing him in, relishing in the comfort. They remained in a silent embrace for a while, both caught up in their own thoughts.

“I’m so sorry, I know how much you wanted to get in.” Younghyun murmured after a few moments, running his hand up and down Jae’s spine in a comforting manner. He pulled back and Jae looked down, lifting his hand to rub his nose. “But you thought I’d see you differently?” 

Jae looked up and nodded, breathing out a bitter laugh.

“I’m not…” A stuttered breath as he stared down at his hands, voice quietening. “I’m not good enough.”

“Oh, Jae, don’t.” His voice was sad and he met the elder’s eyes, frowning and shaking his head. “You know that’s not true.”

“It is true, Younghyun,” Jae’s voice got louder as he ran a hand angrily through his hair, “I am not smart enough to go there, it’s as simple as that. I let you all believe I was, and now you’re going to…” He sighed, scrubbing his eyes and telling himself he couldn’t cry again. 

“We aren’t going to do anything.” Younghyun was still frowning, tone remaining gentle as he took Jae’s hand away from his face and gripped it tightly. “No one thinks you’re any less intelligent, hardworking, talented. You are still all of those things, like you were when you first applied. You know how hard it is to get in, it doesn’t prove anything.” 

Jae met his eyes again, wanting to believe him so badly. He nodded as Younghyun ran his thumb rhythmically over the back of his hand, trying to repeat his words in his head in the hopes that they might drown out the ones screaming that he wasn’t good enough.

“We would never judge you, or think any less of you for this. We love you.” He gave Jae a small smile, still gripping his hand and he couldn’t help but to feel a little better, sniffing and nodding again. 

“I love you guys too. So much.” Jae mumbled, still feeling disappointment wash over him but now fatigue too. Younghyun chuckled softly as he yawned, shifting his position on the couch and opening his arms.

“Come here.”

The two of them weren’t usually huge advocates for skinship; a pat on the back or a quick squeeze of the hand was usually all they’d do. But Jae smiled, eyes still stinging as they drooped, and shuffled into him, letting his head rest on younger’s shoulder as Younghyun wrapped his arms around him tightly, rubbing his arm, and it was exactly what Jae needed. Bitter thoughts still rang sharp in his head, and the pressure to tell everyone else who had been waiting on his results still loomed. But with Younghyun’s presence so close, and knowing the other three sleeping around them would likely have said the same as he just told him, Jae already felt a little lighter.

He felt Younghyun drop a kiss to the top of his head as he sank deeper into the embrace and let his eyes slip shut. 

“It’s their loss.” Younghyun mumbled into Jae’s hair, his own voice slurred by sleep. And then they were both out.

When they woke up it was to someone shaking both of them a little too roughly, and the light of mid-morning leaking through onto their faces. Jae groaned and squinted his eyes, feeling the prominent swell of a headache build behind his eyes, and the ache of having slept upright. Suddenly there was a figure blocking the light, still trying to jolt awake a whining Younghyun, who was trying to bury his face further into Jae’s neck to escape the light.

“Wonpil.” Jae croaked and the boy turned to him with surprise.

“Finally.” Another voice said from his right and he turned to see Dowoon lounging leisurely beside him, scrolling through his phone. “We thought you were dead.”

“Why the hell did you two sleep here last night?” Sungjin spoke from where he was leaning in the doorway and Jae frowned, still in a state of slight confusion. Was the whole band having a gathering?

“And why did you cuddle without me?” Wonpil pouted from above them and Younghyun snorted, unwinding himself from Jae’s arms and sitting up to rub his eyes. 

“It wasn’t planned, don’t worry. Of course, we would have invited you.” Jae rolled his eyes as Wonpil smiled at that, flopping next to Younghyun. He doted on the younger too much.

“It wasn’t planned? So, what happened?” Sungjin chuckled and moved to sit next to Dowoon, still looking half asleep. Jae was suddenly reminded of they we were here in the first place, a pang of sadness coming over him again, and he refrained from sighing, purposefully not looking at the leader.

“We were just talking, and then we fell asleep.” He said in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner, straightening out his shirt and throwing a guarded glance towards Younghyun.

“But you went to bed before any of us, why would you be back in here?” Wonpil frowned.

“And you’re wearing the same clothes you were yesterday.” Dowoon scrutinised. 

Jae almost groaned again. Why couldn’t they just leave it alone? He didn’t want to think about it, let alone have to watch the rest of the people closest to him be disappointed at the outcome.  
His eyes darted around the couch and floor, looking for what he had just remembered had been here the night before. The letter had fallen just beneath Younghyun’s feet onto the carpet, and he tried not to outwardly panic at the thought of the others seeing it. 

But Wonpil followed his gaze and lunged for the letter before Jae could reach it, laughing as he stood up and danced out of the way of his grasp. He didn’t really blame any of them as they snickered and passed it between them; clearly, they thought it wasn’t anything serious and were just playing around, like they always did. But his throat was closing up in panic and he almost started shaking as he tried to take it from Wonpil’s hand.

“Pil, please…” He started, trying to use his taller stature to grab it again, but Wonpil held it above his head, not yet realising Jae wasn’t finding it as funny as he was, flaunting it in the air with a gleam in his eye. Jae followed it with his gaze, the familiar words burning holes in the paper, and the thought of one of the others catching a glimpse of them made his breath catch and his hands tremble.

“Stop.” Dowoon, ever quietly observant, tugged on Wonpil’s sleeve from behind him, but the elder simply brushed him off with a laugh.

“Wonpil.” Sungjin’s eyes were flicking between him and Jae with a frown etched into his face, catching on to the situation, but Wonpil was focusing on tossing the letter between his two hands perilously.

“Wonpil.” Younghyun’s voice was loud, and Jae jumped, noticing he had come to stand right next to him. There was no element of humour in his voice and it was rare to hear him sound so angry. Wonpil immediately stopped, catching the look on his friend’s face and quickly realising that it wasn’t a joke, his smile dropping. His eyes flickered to Jae and widened innocently as he suddenly noticed the state he was in, visibly upset with his gaze still glued on the letter but flicking to Wonpil’s face to plead with him. He hadn’t meant any harm but Jae didn’t want him to find out like this. 

“Please.” He said quietly; shamefully.

“Shit, Jae, I’m sorry, I…” Wonpil brought his hand down guiltily, holding out the paper to Jae, who took it and gripped it tightly, folding the words away, ashamed. “I didn’t realise.”

“It’s okay.” Jae looked up and sent him a tight smile, feeling the eyes of everyone in the room and just wanting to escape. But it wasn’t fair. They were a team; they always spoke about being truthful with each other; it was the only way to prevent fighting. They deserved to know, especially after all of this, and he didn’t want to lie again.

“Jae.” Sungjin had stepped closer and was peering at him worriedly, clearly waiting for answers.

“It’s okay, really. I’ll tell you what it is.”

Jae stepped back and sat down on the couch, sighing, realising he didn’t have the energy to care as much anymore. Younghyun took a protective seat next to him, still sending a slightly scalding stare towards Wonpil, who was looking distraught as he sat on the floor in front of him, Dowoon joining him. Jae sent Wonpil a quick smile to show him he wasn’t angry. Sungjin sat beside Jae, and they all patiently waiting for him to speak. It seemed like he had made a much bigger deal out of this now than it actually was, Jae thought, and yet as he tried to force the words out his throat closed up again and he looked down, embarrassment flushing his face. The silence stretched on painfully. 

“I didn’t get in.” He whispered. It was silent, and Sungjin breathed in sharply. Younghyun put his hand between Jae’s shoulder blades as a grounding presence that gave him the courage to look up at the rest of them. 

“I got rejected.” He tried to smile, seeing how upset they all looked and hating the pity, hating how much they were surprised. Everyone expected him to get in. But with this thought he bit his lip, a familiar wetness gathering in his eyes and he looked down to escape their sympathetic stares. They’re disappointed in you, something told him.

Wonpil’s hand can to rest comfortingly on Jae’s leg and it only made him want to cry more.

“I’m sorry.” He choked out, laughing sadly as he lifted his hand up to brush away the tears.

“Why are you sorry?” Wonpil shook his head with a sad look, standing up quickly and hurrying to grab Jae a tissue which he took gratefully.

“I let you guys down. I should never have even tried.”

“That’s bullshit hyung.” Jae’s eyes widened, along with the rest of the band, at Dowoon’s angry tone. He rarely swore. “You’ve already made us so proud. They’re stupid not to want you.” Jae smiled at the youngest, briefly catching his fingers in his own.

“You have not let us down.” Sungjin seemed uncharacteristically emotional as he practically glared at the floor. “This isn’t on anyone but them. We… I, already think the world of you Jae. Nothing’s going to change that.” He looked up and gave a father-like smile, reaching over to grip Jae’s knee and instantly everything felt a little more in control. 

“Thanks.” He said weakly, feeling reassurance all around him.

“If you didn’t get in, then it wasn’t the place for you,” Wonpil spoke very softly from where his hand was still leaned against Jae’s knee. “you’ll find your place; somewhere you’ll flourish even more. And you always have the band.”

“Yeah, who needs them?” Younghyun grinned. “We- you, can do amazing things without a school like that. Win a Nobel prize and then shove it in their faces.” Jae rolled his eyes, knowing they were exaggerating their praise to make him feel better, but smiled and nodded.

“Thank you. I’m… so lucky to have you guys. And I know I'll be okay as long as I do.” Another wave of emotion came over him as their words filled him with comfort and hope, and he sniffled as he tried to keep more tears at bay. “Someone hug me.” He joked tearfully. 

Almost immediately Wonpil had his arms around Jae’s neck, just beating Younghyun who threw an arm over his waist, laughing into his ear as Dowoon flopped on top of him. Jae wheezed at the weight but grinned, and caught the eyes of the leader over the youngest’s head.

“Come on grandpa, you too.” He laughed. Sungjin was reluctant, looking minimally disgusted at the physical affection being displayed in front of him. But one pleading look from Jae’s red, puffy eyes and he knew he had him. He was a softie at heart, and with a sigh he curled up small against the other side, worming his way through Wonpil’s limbs to twist an arm around Jae’s shoulders.

Wonpil was whining about how he couldn’t breathe, Younghyun yelling as his fingers got trapped under someone’s knee, and Dowoon’s icy feet kept touching everyone else’s as he entangled their legs, resulting in yelps and angry cuffs. It was chaos. But their words rang loud and clear, dispersing the fog in Jae’s head and successfully putting things into perspective. It didn’t seem so bad anymore. He could do without that college. He would be okay.

Besides, who needed it, when he had this?

**Author's Note:**

> in short: I won't have day6 to comfort me when I don't get an offer from uni, so I decided to write it
> 
> ps. to everyone applying for uni/college/anything right now, it really will be okay, I promise you're smarter than you think <33


End file.
